im not doing so hot. im just kinda all grawr and mad at the world like frigging usual. and i think i did something i may regret doing, all though i dont think i'd regret doing it i'd regert telling someone that i did it, but o well nvm that. but yea, neways im not doing so hot. who knows y, mayb its cuz i havent had a breakdown in like two days so my bodys like o well time for one now. but hey w/e. and yea, no ones online, and i miss talking to ppl, like i've said in passed entries, if i didnt know myself i'd think that im an attention whore, or something. for some reason i crave attention but at the same time hate getting attention..... isnt that ironic? well to me its just confusing..... cuz i dont get myself. i dont get y i was put on this earth in the first place, i mean what good am i here? i only made my family worse probably, and my mom and dad would be better off if i would've never came inot there lifes, cuz so far i've been thier pride and joy, but someday somethings gonna happen and im gonna fuck it up just like my brothers did. watch ill decide its the right time to have sex, and ill get pregnant, or ill get addicted to pot the first time i try it, or just i dk, somehtings gonan happen, cuz so far i've just been the apple of thier eyes, and is alittle to good to be true if u ask me. and in someways i suppose im lonely, but what girl who doesnt have a bf doesnt feel lonely every once in awhile? i mean i feel soooo happy for emily and jess that they have bf's and that they r sooo happy, but at the same time i cant help but feel alitle jealous. not becuz of who they're dating cuz trust me im not interested in joe or tony (no offense to either of u), but i just cant help but feel a little left out, or lonely. i guess its just me, all my life i've been feeling left out and lonely. which i guess goes back to me being an "attention whore" i suppose. cuz i sit here and feel srry for myself, when really i wouldnt want to be in the company of neone neways cuz i just want to be alone. im just to damn complex, thats all i gotta say. and confusing, and theres just to many emotions rushing through me, i guess apart of me just wishes i had the lifes that some other ppl get to live, its not so much as i want to hang out with ppl more, its that i want to have the free will to just leave, and stuff like some ppl do. i dk, i guess i just cant wait till i can drive and i get a car so taht i can jsut take off and drive when i need to. and back to the jealous of boyfriends thingy, em or jess if u guys read this i dont want u to think that everytime u talk about joe or tony that it upsets me or nething, cuz it doesnt, it makes me sooo happy to hear about what happens between u guys and stuff, i mean i crave on my friends happiness, so really i love hearing about it and plz dont think that u shouldnt talk about it. and yea i suppose i should just stop babbling now, i hope u guys enjoyed my lengthy entry of how i think my life sux. its always interesting when i go through these phases. well yea, and i hope u guys like my new theme took me awhile to get it right, but ur opinions would be nice, i might be changing the header picture soon cuz i have another idea in mind, but just give me ur thoughts, im always delighted to hear from u, well nighty night sleep tight

-complex and confusing missy-